Stop Avoiding the Why

Day 8 of 2021, and I am not on plan. The very first goal? Write every day at

7pm. I believe I wrote twice at or around 7pm and committed to the full 30
minutes. The other 7pm’s in the week fell at the wrong time. I mean, yeah, it
was 7pm eastern standard time, but in my head, it was laundry, dinner,
dishwasher, anything but writing time. One could say I avoided writing. Why? Well,
the why is part of the problem.

Most of the non-writing time was spent trying to understand my MC’s choice
to accept the path to the dark side. I mean… why? What was to gain for her to
be so willing to let so many die? How do I get it out of her or out of someone
close to her? She has no one close to her. No friends. No family. The only
people who know are the MC, the one who made the deal, and a lackey.

After talking aloud in the shower, in the car, and brainstorming, I narrowed
the reason down to something personal to her. Something physical about her.
Something she was desperate to be rid of. My initial thought was loss of hearing
or sight. Maybe inability to walk or full paralysis. For me, the issue with
using these is people live with these altered senses, altered abilities. They
thrive with them. They live happy and fulfilled lives. It just doesn’t feel
right. Too easy. 

I think a better option would be a disease that has ravaged her body. As she
has no family to care for her, she is in a resident nursing home with little
ability to object to their idea of a plan of care. And, just like that. I think
I have it. Hereditary. Incurable. Unstoppable progression. There is no way to
escape an early death. Except the deal.

However, in choosing such a horrible life for my MC, there is no way out.
Even if she were smart enough, cunning enough, or quick enough to outwit the
dealer, she would need to do it in a way that allows her to keep the positives
of the deal (living) while losing the negatives (killing).

And now…. I write.

Rules of Engagement

Hello 2021! We have been waiting for you!

New Year’s resolutions are not my thing. I have never been one to start “anew” with the new year. I do however try to be outside in the open air when the new year rolls in. As I stood outside last night, I listened for any sign of what the year might hold. Aside from a few fireworks and low celebratory cheers from the neighborhood, all seemed quiet. No sirens. No wind. Clouds covered the stars. The moon was a distant glow. No dogs barking. I took a deep breath, welcomed the new day, and went to bed.

I cannot control whatever is coming in 2021. I can only control my response to each day. Today, the first day of 2021, I am writing. I have my butt in the seat, and I’m getting the words out. At the moment, the words are this post. Soon, I will delve into the draft I have been tossing aside and create a plan for the flow of the plot. Typically, I just write and see where it goes. That does not feel right this time.

However, before I have dreams of completing a plan for this draft, I need a plan for myself. That is, I need to set some writing rules for myself. Let’s go …

  • Write daily. No that is not specific enough for me. I need structure. Write every day at 7pm for no less than 30 minutes. That is specific.
  • Research, organizing, and plotting count towards writing time.
  • Limit social media time. Nope, needs more. During writing periods, no social media. Social media is for outside of writing periods. (Yes, this blog counts as social media.)
  • Block out distractions. No TV. No humans. Pets okay. If possible, get behind a closed door.
  • Allow for hiccups in the plan. Be open to moving the time of day – but get 30 minutes in daily.
  • Get to bed by 10pm and asleep before 11pm. No social media in bed. For the love of all things, no TikTok! (If you have not installed TikTok, don’t! It is the worst time trap ever! It is too late for me, save yourself!)

There. Now I have rules. Do you have rules for your writing habits? Tell me about them in the comments. I would love to hear about them.

Writer in Progress

My plans for November’s NaNoWriMo fell through quickly. I had planned to continue my draft for “Symbiosis” which already had about 21.5k words from the 2015 NaNo. I had started to pull my ideas together in October but choosing a starting (or restarting) point was far harder than expected. On a whim, I deleted my 21k Scrivener project to force myself to start over from the beginning. I knew there was a backup somewhere if I really needed the older version, but the new version gained traction. I left the old version in the dust. November started and so did I. I attended several virtual write-ins, learned how to use Discord (sort of), and met many new writers. Then, 7600 words into the new draft, I quit writing. So, what happened?

A fellow writer asked me this question during a James River Writers virtual get together in which mostly local writers are grouped into breakout rooms to talk writing, drafts, struggles, etc… I remember telling him my reason for quitting was related to the story itself. The story was taking a turn I had not expected and wasn’t sure I wanted to continue. He nodded but suggested I keep writing. See where it goes. Just keep going. By this time, NaNo had slipped away from me – no finished draft this year.

But wait a minute. Does that really matter? I mean, am I going to wait until next November to keep this story moving? What has kept me from writing in December? What are my plans for January? I keep beating myself up over and over about quitting NaNo this year and about not writing since then either. Am I doing this or not? Do I want to write or don’t I? What am I even doing? I am putting pressure on myself to do something I love to do which makes it something I do not enjoy. Why the pressure? There is no timeline. There is no due date. There is no word count. There are no check-ins. I am the only making me feel this way which means I am the only one that can stop this madness.

Here are some of the kinder things I tell myself when I know I am digging a hole of writer doubt.

  1. Write where it feels good. You can change your mind about “the” spot to right. Write wherever, just write. Feel out the spots in the house, and once it is safe, try writing away from the house. You will find what works for you, but not if you quit writing.
  2. Find writers in your area and get connected to them. No one knows more about how you are feeling than another writer. Sometimes it is helpful to hear another writer tell you they’ve been exactly where you are, and other times it’s helpful to assure someone else the feelings are normal. Search for hashtags like #WritingCommunity and on social media.
  3. Staring off into space is normal. Others may think you’re not focused but trying to decide if your MC likes applesauce or apple pie better is part of the writing craft. Researching the availability of applesauce and apple pie in your MC’s world is part of the writing craft. Time spent thinking about your story and researching your story counts as time spent writing.
  4. Mistakes are part of the process. Follow the story. Go down the rabbit hole. I recently heard Margaret Atwood say something like … no one is going to see this story until you are ready to let them. You can change whatever you want to change. The waste basket is a writer’s best friend.
  5. Write often. Now this one goes both ways. If I am writing often, then I feel good about my writing whether the writing advanced my story or not. If I do not write often, then I start the cycle of self-pity. But what if I change “write often” to “write something.” Just write something. Open your notebook, laptop, phone, recorder, etc…. and write something.
  6. Make a plan to write. This can get tricky, too. Do not set a goal to get up early and write every morning at 6am if you are a night person. Do not set goals to write after work if you know you need to tend to family or self after work. Think about your schedule. Think about when you really can make time to write. There’s always time in the day.

My writing today is this blog post, and I feel better just getting this out of my head. I am working on my writing plan. I will always be a writer in progress.

Yes, NaNoWriMo, There is a Goal!

I have done it. I have chosen my goal for this year’s National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). If you don’t know about this wonderful event, then go check it out. I will be here when you get back. Go on.

Well, you’ve either stayed for the rest or you have come back to thank me for sending you down a rabbit hole of words, writers, goals, and resources. In either case, welcome! And without further ado, here is my goal for NaNoWriMo 2020.

I will be adding 50,000 words to my 2015 NaNo attempt, Symbiosis. I have a 21,000-word head start, but, to be official, I need to add at least 50,000 new words. I went back and forth between learning more about Liam and Emily, which was going swimmingly, or finishing Symbiosis which focuses on JoAsh and Rowen. Symbiosis is, as far as I can tell, the first book in this family saga (oh, did I mention it is a family saga now?), so I better get it done.  Cannot edit what is not complete. Cannot pitch what is not there. Cannot sell half the story.

To prep for the fast and furious month of writing, I’m creating a loose outline of the major plot events using K.M. Weiland‘s Structuring Your Novel which has been a big help. While checking out her helping writers website, I stumbled on an outlining/structuring Scrivener template she created. I have been using Scrivener to write for about 5 years. There is definitely a learning curve, and my curve is more of a squiggle. It is a learning squiggle. However, with this template (which was FREE), I feel a bit more in control of my squiggle. With the help of the template, I have already begun the outline and further deepened my character’s wants and needs. The plot has more weight. There is more at stake. The story is simply better! I only have this week to get my thoughts in order. I am both confident and terrified.

So, there is my goal. But wait, there is more!

Somewhere in the past 30 days, I decided to take myself seriously. If I insist on claiming to be a writer, then I better write, dammit. For me, this means surrounding myself with other writers and learning as much as possible about everything from pitching and query letters to the role of an editor and an agent. I am now a member of James River Writers. I attended my first ever conference through James River Writers a couple of weeks back. The virtual conference did not disappoint. There were several agents, editors, authors, and writers waiting to help me with whatever I needed. Why did I wait so long to do this? I will never miss another JRW conference.

I made a few important goals during the conference for the next year.

  1. Get a draft completed. Edit the draft into a novel. Send out query letters for the novel.
  2. Attend the 2021 JRW conference with a pitch ready for a one-on-one with an agent, submit my first pages for review, and drop my name in the hat for the Agent Dating Game (so fun to watch!).
  3. Always be working on the next idea.

Let’s go November 1st. I have got a draft to finish! Oh, hang on. Let me work on this outline a few more days.

The Order of Things and Upcoming NaNo Prep

At this very moment I have completed 106.5 pages of a 160 page retype. Rewrite? No, that is still left to be done. This is a retype.

For those just joining our story already in progress:

  1. Completed 50,000 words in the 2010 NaNoWriMo program (woohoo!).
  2. Lost thumb drive with back up copy. (womp, womp)
  3. Laptop died. (insert slow violin)
  4. Only one version remained. The printed copy! (thanks for nothing, technology!)

You are all caught up. I have been ignoring this 50k draft on and off over the last 10 years. However, I am now just under 60 pages from having this draft back in digital form. I did not edit along the way as I wanted to get this retyped as quickly as possible. I am so close.

Over the last 10 years, I started a second story based on two characters from the a fore mentioned draft. The new story occurs prior to the draft. And, just recently, I have started yet another story based on two other characters from the draft which also occurs prior to the draft but after the second story. Confused? Yes! I love all three of these story lines. Two are not completely fleshed out but both lead up to the draft currently in retype. I have basically worked out my trilogy in reverse. Um, yay?

I plan to complete the retype of the draft and edit the draft into a presentable novel. While working through the editing process, I will join the 2020 NaNoWriMo program to finish out the third book which is really the second book. Wait, wait. Here is a better view of how to follow along.

  1. NaNoWriMo 2010 – completed 50k drafted novel. The working title is “Bleak.”
  2. NaNoWriMo 2015 – wrote 21.5k words about two characters from “Bleak”, working title is “Symbiosis.”
  3. Camp Nano July 2020 – wrote 7k words about two characters from “Bleak” and “Symbiosis.” However, this story comes between “Bleak” and “Symbiosis.” There is no title for this one, but we will call it “Emily” for the moment. It is her fault we are in this mess.

So, if all three books were ready to go right this moment, they would be released as “Symbiosis,” “Emily,” then “Bleak.” This order feels odd to me since the stories did not come to me this way. But there it is.

This brings me to NaNoPrep for the 2020 NaNoWriMo. In just over a week, the prep work will begin for this year’s NaNo. I will be pulling “Emily” into a full novel and tying it into “Bleak.” I have never participated in the official NaNoPrep. I am a pantser at heart, but I think the prep will help me focus on the result instead of floundering through the month.

I am sure I will blog the prep and the month. Stay tuned.

Q’s Without the A’s

There are currently only two people lucky enough to hear about my writing. One is work friend, the other is my husband. The work friend listens as I ramble on about my plans for one character or another. My husband on the other hand, while happy I am making progress, has questions I cannot answer.

He does not want to figure it out along the way. He wants all the answers now. When I say I have discovered only the males pass down the trait in the family, he asks, “Why does the family have this power? Where did it come from? Doesn’t that one woman have power?” Kudos to him for remembering “that one woman”, but she does not have power per se. I do not know where the family power comes from, and I do not know why the family has this power. I only recently learned how two of the major characters met!

Maybe the writing process is different for others, but my characters only let me know things in bits and pieces. The bits usually appear while I am talking out loud. I have a vague understanding of what is going to happen, but I, too, have so many questions! This story is coming at me piecemeal. Fits and starts. He says if he wrote a story, he would have to outline it all and know all the answers. He is a planner in every aspect of his life. I hardly know what I am going to be doing in 10 minutes much less the full view of this three-book family saga. But, when a new piece of the whole comes to light, I feel like it has been there in front of me the whole time.

I appreciate both people for different reasons. The work friend placates my need to feel like I am heading in the right direction. Her responses are fun, and sometimes she can guess a piece I have not mentioned, yet. My husband keeps me on my toes. He will never be able to hear the story ideas without asking questions. If I can miraculously answer those questions, he has more. Always. I get frustrated with the questions for which I have no answers, but dammit, they are good questions. He makes me think or consider new avenues.

Well, it is time to work on more answers. Next time, I hope to have more answers and some form of a timeline figured out. Things are getting messy!