Illusions of Grandeur

According to http://www.nanowrimo.org my own NaNo officially begins in 7 very short hours. I\’m starting to panic. I\’m not in full panic mode, but I\’m damn close. Why?

Well, let me tell you.

I\’ve been working on a novel for several years and as of about 2 years ago it transformed into a new story with new characters and a new plot. I love the story but it\’s changed several times over the two years. The plot bunnies consumed most of my ideas and left behind little pellets of other ideas. With that being said, I\’ve gone about the last two weeks thinking I had NaNo in the bag since I already knew what I wanted to write. The sudden realization that I do NOT know what I want to write is upon me.

No outline and no path makes for a hefty panic. My feeble attempts to create an outline today are, well, feeble. There are too many ideas still swirling and too many options for placement of those ideas and consequences as a result of the placement. I AM NOT READY!!

Or…

Maybe I AM READY and this is just one last ditch effort by my internal editor (IE) to control my writing. Aha! I\’ve figured you out! My, my… you are a tricky one. I need a name for my IE. Perhaps there\’s a thread on the NaNo forums about naming your IE.

What?

I\’m not procrastinating. I still have 6 hours 37 minutes and 48 seconds.. 47… 46.. *faints*

Ready-O for NaNo… maybe.

I\’ve been reading the forums on the NaNoWriMo site in preparation for November first. I laughed pretty hard today reading about the possibilities of people suspended in Jell-O and the other day reading about how much tin foil it would take to make a ball of foil as large as a shed.

Today, there\’s a thread about the 1667 words needed per day to meet the 50K goal by month end. The thread starter timed herself to see how long it would take to reach that goal per day depending on focus, distractions, ideas, etc… The posts that followed are both hysterically funny and horrifying at the same time. Some seem to have a handle on it and claim to be able to do to in under an hour. Others, like me, are less likely to complete the word count needed in less than 3 hours each day! I will time myself later this evening.

I also read a thread about the things writers keep around them while they write. At first the objects seemed like distractions from writing, but as I\’ve begun to collect my own objects they seem more likely to keep me in my seat and at least near my writing. If I\’m blowing bubbles from my little eyeball container, then I\’m still seated at my desk and probably still thinking about the next word on the page. Right? Sure.

This is the last weekend before NaNo officially begins. Here\’s my list of things to do before Monday:

  1. Snack Food – fruits, Twizzlers, gum, tea, coffee
  2. Candles – running low on the good smelly kind
  3. CD\’s – organize my CD\’s so I dont waste time trying to find the \”mood\” (hmm. alphabetically or genre)
  4. Pencils – mechanical thank you very much
  5. Rules – ensure the household knows that from 7pm – 9pm they dont exist … unless I\’m stuck, lonely or out of Twizzlers..
  6. Hat – writing hat… find it!

Setting the Scene

Getting in the mood is hard, especially when forced. I think about it all day at work when I can\’t do it. I get excited about doing it when I get home, but the house comes first. Once all is done and I\’m alone with my thoughts… I can\’t do it! I try and try, over and over… I just can\’t get there. I just can\’t get to that beautiful quiet in my head that streams with endless descriptions, dialogue and plot. Write something, dammit!

My writing room is small but filled with toys that stimulate my senses. Books, candles, stereo, lip gloss, bubbles, funny pens, pictures ripped from magazines and various quotes, heart shaped boxes, humorous clocks, note cards in bright colors, a slinky, my dog\’s bed (sometimes graced with her presence)… all of these things clue me in that there\’s magic waiting to happen. I also have a striped hat that I wear when it\’s time to get serious and make progress.

So here I am surrounded by the things I love and things that make me feel creative., except my hat. I can\’t find it at the moment. Maybe that\’s the problem today. My creativity is escaping through my hair follicles.

Of course the feeling, the need and the urgency will return tomorrow and dare me to steal away at work to give in to the creative passion and crazy rush it brings. Dare I sneak off to my car? The bathroom? In the staff break room? I like the thought of returning to my office with a sly grin, flushed cheeks and a notebook of random breakthroughs.

Get Ready! Get Set! Procrastinate!

November is just days away so what better time than now to procrastinate. I\’m seeing banners on the NaNo site promoting books written and yet to be written. Feeling inspired, I created a banner for DIFTY (my novel).

I rather like it. What do you think?

Shhhhhh…. Writing in Progress!

My house is a small three bedroom rancher. All the rooms are crammed together with little between them. The walls are thin and the doors are thinner. The television echoes from the front of the house to the back and forward again. The PS3 fights for sound domination and fills the hall with gun fire, teen yelling and angst ridden music.

All I want to hear is the \”clack-a-tap-a-clack\” of my fingers on the laptop.

Earphones with no music playing helps to drown out the fury of noise but the dull roar is still there. Playing music distracts my attention from the words typed to the words sung. Instrumental music? Sure, that works for a little while. Maybe I need more variations of instrumental music. Classical and Nine Inch Nails\’ Ghosts I-V are all I have currently. Suggestions?

Silence is all I want but the clock ticks 8:47 p.m. and the voices will carry through the house for a few hours more. Not to worry, though. I\’m done now.

Dreaming of Writing (literally)

Standing outside the store with someone next to me, we were perhaps in a line of some sort, we watched a woman inside. She walked to the front window display and placed a book atop a tall ladder. Each “step” of the ladder held a book. The book on the top was mine. My published book faced the street, faced me and all the people wandering past. I remember commenting to the person next to me about my book. There were a few other scenes in which I tried to get closer to the book but never made it. I awoke confused.

This dream came two or three days ago and letting it go has proved difficult. The published book appeared to be a crime fiction novel. My preferred genre is young adult or fantasy. Crime fiction?

In another part of the dream, a scene played out in my mind or rather the mind of myself in my dream. A man dragged a woman up a very steep slope. He dragged her by her foot. She, near death or dead, did not struggle. The mud beneath them left tracks of his steps wiped away by her body. There are other details but this scared me. Horror is not a genre I enjoy. At heart, I am the biggest chicken you’ll ever meet. No thrasher movies, no Halloween hay rides, no ghost stories. However, this scene has me intrigued.

I lost my keys recently in a Kohl’s department store, and found them an hour later hiding under a purse I’d tried out, loved but didn’t buy. I took it as a sign to buy the purse. I do not regret it. Maybe this dream was to push me into the right direction. Maybe this dream was to remind me of the many options I have as a writer. Maybe this is a sign. Could the biggest chicken this side of the Atlantic write horror?