Bleak Beginnings..

\”Bleak\” – First Draft = 12 chapters and a meager 159 pages.

There are a few holes and a few heavy chapters. Several scenes need more weight to give them space to carry themselves and break off other scenes for new chapters. Big room for improvement but the base is solid.

Presently, I am staring at the wall. The numbered chapters are split with color coded binder clips. I\’ve written on a few pages and stuck sticky notes to a few others. I\’ve written out the events of each chapter through #6. I am sitting still, but my brain is moving faster than I can decipher. The ideas, the changes, the modifications all stream through my mind and out again before I can make complete sense of them. It\’s only when I stop trying to understand that it all falls together. A-ha! Makes perfect sense now. And off I go again…

Sooooo… Now What? And other musings…

There are few people in my life that are supportive of my writing in a way that makes me feel accomplished. One of them is my best friend. I know I can talk to her about my story openly and she will tell me what sounds great, offer ideas or just listen. We were talking about a point in the story and before I knew it I had given her the entire story (in random order). When I realized I\’d told her the entire thing, I stopped to think how I felt about throwing my carefully hidden plot into the air. Typically when I give up my ideas, I don\’t want them anymore and giving up my whole novel could have been tragic. But since I wasn\’t telling just anyone about my story, I actually felt more excited about completing the process.

I am still super excited to have written this story. Ok, so it\’s not quite as full as it needs to be and I think I left a rant towards the end about how much I hate the end. However, it\’s still a complete story. What would have taken me years of writing a little at a time is done. Now what?

Some time ago I bought \”Power Structure\” to help me with my writing. The program allows you to break your story down into something more than an outline. You can break it down by chapters, plot points, characters, settings, etc… The program lets you get into your story and flesh out what\’s important and not so important.

I used it last year to help me bring my thoughts together but could only get as far as a few chapters. My story kept changing which meant I had to go back and change other areas in the structure. I felt like I was spending too much time in the program and not enough time writing, so I abandoned it.

Now that my story is written, I\’m about to start with Power Structure again. I\’m hoping the restraint I felt while trying to use the program and actually write the story won\’t feel so limiting during editing. My hope is the program will help me find weak points in the already written novel and areas that need more development. I\’ll let you know how that goes.

On another note, I\’ve changed the title of the novel. About 15 years ago someone gave me a piece of paper with a map of the US on each side. One side displayed a point for every optimistically named city and the other side displayed a point for every pessimistically named city (you can find that here). I live in Virginia so naturally Bleak, Virginia stood out on the map. I\’ve always wanted to go there, but haven\’t. From the looks of it on Google Maps, I would have to drive about two hours North to ride through a town that\’s about 10 minutes long. Wanna go with me?

Anyway, it just happens this town has become a part of my story without even trying. Not only has the town invaded my story, but my novel is now aptly titled \”Bleak\”.

IT’S A NOVEL!

At approximately 11:27pm today, I completed NaNoWriMo.

30 days and 50,007 words later… I have a novel.

I am proud beyond measure.

More later. Bed now.

The End is the End… or is it?

See that bar over there? Just there to the right. At this moment it reads 41,134 words written (subject to change). That means at this current moment I am only 8,866 words and two days from the NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words written in 30 days. The end is nye.. or is it?

I forced myself to bed last night after reaching the number above and realizing I had no idea how to end this story. When I started 28 days ago, I had a basic outline of events that needed to happen to get me to the end. Several surprises popped up along the way, but the end I created before I started still seemed plausible. The characters knew all along, I\’m sure, but they were kind enough to let me think I would get my way. I am now at the end of the story but due to characters with more control than I ever imagined… the end is nowhere in sight … or is it?

I woke this morning and lay in bed another 45 minutes. Getting up seemed pointless. In the midst of the climax, my story had no ending. The demons waited. The family huddled. And… nothing. I checked my email, twitter and FaceBook all from the warm restraint of heavy blankets and my dog (gotta love smart phones and smart dogs for that matter). As I was rolling through a few NaNo forum posts and contemplating the benefits of sleep, a very clear voice said, \”They have to leave.\” Before the voice could fade, an image formed and … the end is clear (say it with me now).. or is it?

Yes, this ending will work nicely and may in fact be genius. Well, it won\’t change the world or anything.. hmm… it does change the story world. Anyway, I have my ending for this story. So what\’s the problem now? Can you say sequel?

Following Your Character to Hell

I am emotionally drained at the moment after writing my main character into a dangerous situation and maiming another secondary character.

The situation with my main character was planned and he\’s been left where I need him to be. However, the maiming of my secondary character was not planned in the slightest.

When I am having trouble forcing a scene, I will take a deep breath and let the character tell me where we are going next. Now I realize this may sound odd to someone that doesn\’t write, but I guess you could think of it as a form of \”free writing\”. This has happened a few times so far in this novel and so far I\’ve been happy with the events as they unfolded. Not the case this time.

I followed this secondary character as I needed to get away from the place I\’d just left my main character. At first I typed easily and understood the reason for the secondary character\’s place of choice. It made sense that he would do this. As we moved along through the scene, the mood became more somber and I realized we weren\’t leaving this scene without something horrible happening. Before I could change my mind about any of it, the entire scene played out in my mind and linked itself back to the scene I\’d left before. It had to be written.

I feel horribly guilty about having written it and done this to my character, but in all honesty… he led me here himself. He already knew this was coming before I did. In fact, I\’m pretty sure he and all the other characters know much more than I.

I think I\’ll take a small break before I try to lighten the mood.

Story with an Attitude

Congrats to me! Yes, I am tooting my own horn and I deserve it! I just passed 20,000 words. My novel is now 20,000 words in length. The story is not exactly as I thought it would go, but I have to say I am excited about a few of the scenes that evolved as I struggled to get from point A to point B.

*insert happy dance here*

As I push through this NaNoWriMo, I am reminded of my favorite quote from Mark Twain:

“There are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn\’t because the book is not there and worth being written—it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right form for a story and if you fail to find that form the story will not tell itself.”

I find a sense of relief in this quote. My struggles to write my story do not necessarily mean the story, my writing or my dreams of being published are off the mark. In fact, this quote makes me think I must be on the right path.

This story has been more than 10 years coming. It has changed and fought with me every step of the way. My characters have refused to be written into situations and instead pushed my writing in other directions. The settings change at will. The plot thickens and thins despite my best efforts to keep it on track. The chapters end suddenly and usually when my mojo is in full effect.

Over the last 2 years, I\’ve come to understand one thing very clearly:

I am not writing a story. The story is already written.